Several weeks ago, one of the most momentous and special events happened in my life. I had planned this moment for a month or so although I had been waiting for what seems like my entire life to actually have it happen.
Over 5 years ago, I met the person who pretty much completes me. I met the person who sometimes laughs at my jokes - luckily more often than not. I met the person who puts up with my endless singing with lyrics that I make up as I go. And since I sound like Josh Groban is quite a delight to all in earshot. And addition to all that, he happens to be cute! What more can someone ask for?!
Everything had been planned and then due to circumstances out of my control needed to be replanned. The day, the location, the details all had to be changed but ultimately it didnt matter because all that mattered was that we were both there for it to happen.
June 13th not only is the day of my birth but is now the day I became engaged. Or as I like to call it, Gay Engaged. Engaged to me means being able to actually legally get married. However, loving Christian Republicans have enshrined it into our state laws that loving committed gay couples cant legally say our I Do's and obtain the coveted marriage certificate. So when I say Gay Engaged, it means that we wont have any legal recognition at all as a married couple. However, thats not why we want to get married. We want take part in this ever changing tradition because of one reason. We love each other and we want to make that commitment to one another in front of those friends and family whom we want to share that moment with.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where the Bible is used to trash people like myself. To condemn me to hell and cast as a perverted piece of trash. People in my own family have passed their judgments on me. Luckily, most of my family is completely accepting and supportive. However, the one person who I would want the acceptance from most, is the very person who tells me at the end of every phone call that she prays for me to eventually come around to the other side. Nice. Keep on prayin.
That person is my own Mother. When a couple becomes engaged, you want to shout it from the roof tops! You can't wait to tell everyone you know and love the absolutely fabulous news that you are gonna be married! Everyone for the most part knows of my upcoming nuptials. But not her. She has let it known that she doesn't think I should be able to marry the person that I've come to love.
This.Kills.Me.
No matter how much I inform her and try to educate her about my sexuality, it does no good. She knows what the Catholic Church says about people like me and that's all she needs to know. In her words, "It's my cross to carry". When the time is right though, I will let her know. I'll probably hear a *tisk tisk* as she lower her head in shame and disappointment. I'm preparing myself for that moment cause I know it will be like a knife in the heart. Definitely not the response anyone wants to hear when sharing the amazing news of being engaged.
But this is her and I accept that. I didnt choose this way of life for myself. But she is choosing to go through her life feeling the way she does.
Choices. Priorities.
My heart knows whats real though. My soul tells me this is right. Stay objective. Stay true to oneself. Stay strong. I tell myself this every morning.
I do these things for myself and for Craig. It builds our bond and our relationship and makes a better us. With marriage set down the road somewhere in the future, and when so much of the world is completely against us, we have the assurance of knowing we have each other's back no matter what. We cant rely on anything or anyone but us to make it work. And that's just how I would want it.
-JB
Great and heartfelt post! Thanks for sharing! I can't wait till we get married! Oh crap, wrong Craig.
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