Thursday, August 2, 2012


This week, things got a little bit awkward with people that are in my life.  Disagreements about gay rights and marriage equality took place that left both parties possibly offended.  Understanding what they truly thought about both subjects were truly enlightening.  However, after it was all said in done, I almost wish I never knew their thoughts on the subject at all.  It will definitely put a rift in the relationship we had no matter how much I wouldn’t want that to happen.  Someone who is all for gay rights surely would think be in favor of marriage equality I thought.  I was wrong.  Marriage is a religious institution I was told and religion doesn’t believe gays should be able to get married.  They should have the rights that go along with marriage but not the word itself.  Ouch.  My brain translated like this.

You are less than.  My God doesn’t believe you are worthy of the word Marriage despite him making you the way you are. 

Unacceptable.  But I conceded.  Further discussion was not warranted.  No views would be changed and only further awkwardness would arise.

All I kept thinking in my head is, They don’t get it.  And I really don’t think they do.  Unless you have lived a life in a gay persons shoes I wouldn’t expect them to.  They dont see the hundreds of organizations out there whose sole purpose it is to make sure gay people dont have the same rights as others.  They dont see or know of the hate crimes against gay people every single day.   They cant understand that separate is not equal.  Granting rights without the word is not good enough.  It still says I am less than deserving of the word marriage. 

People scream about it being a religious institution and therefore cannot simply have gays marrying.  Its in the Bible they say!

An abomination.


An abomination.  Brings back memories of being called a filthy faggot by a man standing on a street corner when I told him I didn’t agree with his sign saying gays were sinners.  Or when another person called my friends and I “nasty queers” and to “get out of their neighborhood”.  Or when my own father would call me a gross faggot after every argument growing up.  Or when I was told by family members that God wants me to live a life of solitude by myself and to not act on the desires which I have.  Because the love I have to share is not worth sharing with another human being and that this was my cross to carry. 

God made me this way so that  I could live a life alone. A lonely abomination. 

And all along I just thought I was the funny weird guy.  But that is apparently what the Bible says.  The book of all books that tell people how to live their lives and they best way to be good people.  I do not bash the people who follow this book.  Nor do I want to.  I just try to point out the hypocrisy of double standards with those who do.  I know plenty of the most amazing Christians that are truly Christ like.  Giving, loving, caring, non-judging, happiness for all, even gay people.   I want to fill my life with these people. 

However, this Religious institution I know is all a big hulabaloo.  Sure, most churches within Christianity are against gay marriage and against gays in general.  We are in fact sodomites.  But then there are some religions who do in fact understand that the Bible was written by men thousands of years ago.  A time when slavery was acceptable and marriage meant men being a husband of several wives.  But times change.  Society changes.  And these Christian views should change too.  Some religions have understood that.  The Unitarian Church a few blocks from my own house for example believes that gay couples should be able to marry. Why can’t I get married in that Church and obtain all the same benefits that heterosexual couples do.  Because Religious Freedom is a one way street sometimes.

Religious Freedom in America is one big hypocrisy.  Look at how Muslims are revered in our country.  People won’t even let them build their places of worship due to fear of Sharia Law spreading like wildfire through the lands. 


Isnt that what a lot of this is about.  Fear of the things we do not know or understand.  

A new fear of mine is that I am afraid to know what those around me truly think of me and my “gay situation”.  There are some amazingly great people in my life, but if they tell me I am not deserving of the exact same rights that they enjoy, Im sorry, but that changes what I think of you.  I refuse to stand by and further grow a relationship when someone can justify in their head that because of the way they their creator made me, I am not worthy of something they are.  This is a scary mind set to be in.  I don’t want to lose anymore friends or family over “my sin” but how can I invite people like that into my life knowing what I know. 

In the end I know I am deserving of love. Not a life of desolation. I know I should not be discriminated against for the way I was born. And I know I shouldn’t invite people into my life that don’t want me to have the same rights that they enjoy. Every single last one. Even if it is just a word.